Allie's story

Allie 40, has lived in Wales for the last 4 years. Allie moved to Wales from Brighton , escaping an abusive relationship from her husband and sought refuge with friends. Allie worked as an holistic therapist and through this work, met her partner Dave. Unfortunately Dave became seriously ill and Allie nursed him until he died last October. It was following Dave's death that Allie suffered a breakdown.

Allie bought a static caravan which is on a private site near Llandrindod Wells. Allie receives help and support from CTH. Without this help, in her own words, her situation would be hopeless.

Trudy's Story

It's two years since I moved into supported housing with Tai Hafan. After two disastrous relationships I had lost my confidence, my self esteem and I believed that I couldn't cope. I was alone with my three boys and two girls, the eldest suffering extreme ADHD. My life was chaotic and disruptive and I felt I could never again trust in a relationship.

My life has completely turned around. I have a voice that is listened to. This has come about through support. There is always someone to share my problems with and discuss the ways I can change whatever is troubling me, but what's good is I make my choices. I have learned a lot from a certificate in resuscitation, to making a patchwork quit. We have enjoyed family days out in Barry and Margam Park and St. Fagans. I've been part of regional tenants' get togethers where Tai Hafan have listened to what we want.

As time has moved on, I am now confident enough to help new people who have arrived on the scheme to settle in and become part of our community. I have just been the birthing partner of another tenant. I feel that I have made friends for life with people I would not otherwise have met.

Perhaps the most important thing I have learned is to trust myself and my choices. I am about to become engaged to a wonderful man, I wouldn't have believed that possible two years ago. I am now happy and most important, my children are happy with life. We have all come a long way in our time with Tai Hafan.

I am ready to move on with the knowledge that some other woman who may be feeling like I once did, needs what Tai Hafan gives. This has not been easy to write but I feel I owe so much and I think it's important to say thank you, Tai Hafan.

Rhian's story

Driving to the shops in my own car, feeling safe in my home, seeing my children happy and holding my head high as I go about my life, these are things that I never thought I would be able to achieve. Certainly not when I was with my ex husband.

We met when I was fifteen. He was older than me and was from a bad family. But I didn't care. He was exciting. My parents didn't even know that I was seeing anyone. When they did find out, they hit the roof. My dad told me that my ex was bad, his dad was violent and that no good would come of the relationship. They even took steps to try to make me a ward of court.

At sixteen I left home. I was completely brainwashed and under his control, which I mistook for love.

Right from the start, our relationship was destructive. I suffered so much abuse in his hands. Emotional, physical and sexual but I was trapped and didn't know where to turn.

I got pregnant, foolishly thinking that if I had his baby, things would get better. But I was wrong. It just made me even more trapped and tied to him. I got pregnant shortly after having given birth to our first child. I had no control over making any decisions for myself. I was so afraid of him that I just went with the flow of things. We went on to have three more children.

The abuse continued throughout this whole time. Any little thing would send him in a blind rage. He would lock me under the stairs in a cupboard with tape across my mouth if I did something wrong. I felt degraded and so ashamed by some of the things he subjected me to. I felt completely isolated in my own little world, praying that one day it would all go away, but deep down I knew that it wouldn't.

Carmarthen Service User's story
(service user's identity protected)

I completed my GCSEs and aimed to complete 'A' levels and pursue a career in the Army. Although after my GCSEs my father went to prison and this affected me badly, I started taking Speed and left home at the age of 16. By the time I was 19 my life was in a rut and I was on Probation for assault and was constantly in and out of court. I can't remember much about this time due to my heavy drug use. I took Valiums in my late teens due to shock and would take sleepers to calm my temper down. The only problem was that I got addicted to sleeping pills and would be so desperate that I'd work out scams to get more meds.

From being on Probation since the age of 19 till last year and the never ending fines I incurred I reckon I could have gone on a World Cruise twice over and taken the Fines Enforcement Officer with me!

A turning point occurred after I was in a horrific accident that left me disabled, I realised I needed to make some big changes in my lifestyle. While I was in hospital, Probation referred me to Cymdeithas Tai Hafan. In spring 2004 I was allocated a floating support worker for Tai Hafan who supported me to find accommodation. We looked at hostels and also at permanent housing, I eventually found a flat. I was still in denial about my drug use and initially didn't say to Tai Hafan that I had substance misuse problems.

After a time I found myself going back into my old lifestyle, taking Class A and B drugs, as well as prescribed medication. I decided I wanted out and wanted to change my life for good, otherwise I could see myself going to prison. My floating support worker suggested that coming out of the situation and making a ‘fresh start' would be a good option. Tai Hafan had a vacant property which I later moved into and since then I have been working with the staff to work through my problems and regain control over my life.

I have been able to maintain my tenancy with them and keep all appointments with the other agencies that are helping me, something I would have never been able to do in the past. Tai Hafan referred me to specialist drug and alcohol counsellors and I have now come off prescribed medication and no longer take illegal drugs. I've been off Probation for 8 months and love being ‘fine free'. I am also only one of a few Tai Hafan tenants to attend all Tai Hafan events, including helping with interviews, fundraising, painting and attending course on stress and relaxation and yoga and self defense.

Nina’s story

“A year ago I was at rock bottom. I left my husband, who was violent to me and had to leave behind my three teenagers too. That broke me up, and I was severely depressed when I came to live in a Tai Hafan scheme in Swansea. Christmas came and I got worse and worse because I was really pining for my children. I was so low I just wanted to cut myself off from everyone and stay in bed. That’s when my support worker was really there for me, calling in every morning at one point so I’d force myself to get out of bed and let her in.
Eventually I was able to talk about how I felt, and we discussed my situation. A few weeks later, I began to get some motivation. I’ve always been keen on decorating, and doing up the flat was what got me going at first. As I got less depressed I started to make a few friends – some had gone through similar situations to mine. Slowly I started going out to have coffee with people in the day, or out for a drink at weekends.

The support they give you at Tai Hafan is all about setting goals for yourself and gradually getting to where you want to be. One of mine is to get some qualifications, and I’ve started a college course and that will get me a certificate in computer skills, if I stick at it, which I certainly intend to do. After that, I want to get a job.”

Looking back on my depression makes me shudder. I never want to feel that way gain, and I’ve worked hard to get this far. Remembering how low and alone I was, I am just so glad that Tai Hafan was there to help me on the road to a new life.

Sally’s story

I’m a mother of three and I want to train to be a social worker. I’m on an access course right now. Nothing very unusual about that, you might say. But when I first cam to live in Pontypridd Tai Hafan scheme, I was on the receiving end of social services’ concern. I was in danger of losing my daughter, and the baby I was carrying, and my oldest child who was no longer living with me.

I came from a big city and had got messed up in the drugs scene and all that goes with it. I was stealing and selling myself to feed the habit. Whatever grain of sense I had left told me I had to get out to make a fresh start if I was going to make a go of my life and my children’s.

So there I was, living on benefit and getting off drugs with my daughter and newborn son. I can’t say it was easy – I can safely say I probably droved my support worker half round the bend. There was a lot of crying and some shouting – and quite a lot of laughing, too, I remember. After a year of hard work on both our parts, I was offered a flat back in my home city to be near my eldest and the rest of the family.

I’m settled now on my course, and I’m wondering what the powers that be will make of my life experience when they get my application for social work training. I reckon I know more than most about what it means to be excluded from society, and what it takes to get back on the rails.
One thing is for sure – without Tai Hafan I would not have made it. I’m a living example of what their unique support service can do. A roof over your head is one thing, but when your life is a mess what you need is a structure and someone to work through it with you. Thank you, Tai Hafan – you helped me turn around my life.

Sian’s story

I came from Brecon to Brackla in the March, five years ago. I felt quite positive when I arrived because I already knew a family in the scheme and that really helped me find my feet. But by June I was bad and in hospital for three weeks and from then on I was sick for the next two years. I didn’t want to know anyone. I felt very guilty – somehow I felt I shouldn’t be in the scheme. It was a long two years of great vulnerability and only after that time did I begin talking to my housing support worker.

She not only helped with filling in forms but she encouraged me to ‘do something instead of sitting on my bum!’ I have attended courses on self-defence and assertiveness and went on holiday to Porthcawl, which in enjoyed. I then started doing voluntary work with a local support group and spend one Christmas helping them out.

From there I went on a training course for one year to be a specialist needs care assistant. As part of the course I had to work in a special needs school and to my amazement when I had finished there I was offered a job with them. I work morning and some afternoons and really enjoy being with the children and seeing them achieve. I am presently waiting to go on a course run by the Royal Institute for the Blind, which will help me work with the visually impaired students that attend the school.

Tai Hafan has shown me that I can ask for help – and with their support I’ve proved that I’m not as stupid as I’ve been brainwashed to think. I learned that Tai Hafan can only help you if you let them help you and they’ve shown me that there is a life out there, but it was up to me whether I took the chance to rebuild mine with their help. The last few years have made me a much stronger and more outgoing person. I’ll give anything a try! My advice to other tenants when offered new ideas and suggestion is ‘go for it!’

Pat’s story

Like many tenants I was extremely frightened, depressed and hurting when I first came to Tai Hafan. My first two years were of non co-operation. I felt very suspicious of the support workers. Whenever I met them I was wondering what they were thinking of me and that they were judging me. I needed their help but I didn’t want to take it, which I found very frustrating. I couldn’t accept that I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t ask for help because I’d always done everything myself. My problems were my responsibility therefore I didn’t feel that I could ask for help. I was very angry and kept all my anger bottled up.

Tai Hafan has taught me to be a person in my own right, that it wasn’t selfish to have a mind of my own. My support workers gave me consistent, gentle but firm encouragement to be myself. One of my biggest difficulties was coming to terms with my anger and Tai Hafan has taught me how to express it rather than suppress it.

The help and support provided has come in many different ways ranging from the practicalities of transport to the shops, sorting benefits, to someone just being there, listening to me. I know that there is somebody at the end of the phone just for me, someone just of my needs.

I have also received a tremendous amount of support from other tenants. The friendship bonds area very special because we’re all in the same boat and we have a better understanding of each other’s problems. Tai Hafan is my backup system they have been there when I have fallen to pick me up. I was ill and they were there for me. My family can’t believe the change in me, I’m so laid back now. They come to me now for advice and I am able to support them when they need it. Having gone through all of this, I try and give everybody else a positive outlook. Now I’m ready to move on.